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Happy Fourth 2013

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Director: "Okay, Freedom Femme, this is just a little public service announcement to remind everyone to have a safe Fourth of July. Just look at the prompter and read."

Freedom Femme: "Sure, I'm always happy to do PSAs!"

Director: "Great, your cooperation is appreciated. Aaaannnd ACTION!"

Freedom Femme: "Hello, my fellow Americans, Freedom Femme here on behalf of your benevolent overlords in the presidential administration--all hail our glorious leader!--reminding you to safely enjoy the freedoms that we still allow you this Fourth of July. Even though this is a "holiday" created to honor distasteful and regrettable concepts of individual liberty and resistance to government control, we trust that you rubes out there in flyover country are grateful that we continue to allow you to celebrate this disgusting annual paean to so-called American exceptionalism and white privilege.

So, to ensure your safety this Fourth, please remember that all of your cell phone and internet activities are constantly monitored and recorded. Your use of any of these devices is de facto acceptance of our ability to mine your data. Thank you for your compliance.

Second, remember that participation in any political group or organization which is in any way opposed to the current leadership and its goals is strictly forbidden. While we can't--at least, not yet--directly prevent you from participating in such illogical and unsavory activities, understand that opposition will not be tolerated. Just ask the IRS.

If you are a member of the press, it is critical that you remain complicit in furthering our agenda. Your continued obedience is appreciated, but, should you deviate, remember that the Justice Department is monitoring you.

Finally, while such declasse activities like "barbeques" are still permitted, we frown upon the consumption of such foods as hot dogs, hamburgers, bratwurst, sugary sodas (especially those of 32 oz. or more) and beer, as these are unhealthy and could cause you to be obese. Remember, we control your health care now and reserve the right to punish you in the future for your caloric indiscretions.

So, please have a safe and happy Independence Day, and remember that we're from the government and we're here to help! Enjoy those freedoms while you still have them!"

Director: "Fantastic!"

Freedom Femme (after a momentary pause): "Okay, what the *bleep* was that I just read?"

Director: "That was the administration-approved PSA for this Fourth of July."

Freedom Femme: "No way are you airing that *bleep* with my name on it. I quit. And delete that recording."

Director: "You can't tell me what to do, I'm the Public Safety Announcement Czar!"

Freedom Femme: "Oh, I'm sorry, let me state it another way, then. Delete that recording or I'm going to grab you by your belt loops and fly you out over Kansas at about 5,000' and drop you."

Director: "How dare you threaten me! I work for the government! You work for us!"

Cameraman: "Oops! Sir, I somehow just accidentally deleted the PSA."

Freedom Femme (with a wink): "Good boy. Now turn the camera back on."

Cameraman: "It's rolling."

Freedom Femme: "Hello, America, Freedom Femme here to wish you a safe and happy Independence Day! While you're out there traveling the highways and byways of our great land and spending time with family and friends, please remember to drink responsibly and to look out for your fellow citizens. And take some time to remember what the Fourth of July is all about and why we celebrate this, the most significant of all of our national holidays. Oh, and lest I forget, you little ones cover your ears: *Bleep* the Man for keeping us down! God bless you all, and God bless the United States of America!"

*pause*

"Got that, camera guy?"

Cameraman: "Got it."

Freedom Femme (preparing to fly away): "You boys can feel free to air that one."

Director (shaking his fist as Freedom Femme flies off): "You'll get audited for this!"
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Rebekkah-Sohl's avatar
Cute.  And love the detail on the 'Freedom Top'.   Smexy as always, E.